Scratch one off the list; comments are now enabled on this site!
First, I signed up for a Disqus! account; they’re free. Unfortunately, my initial short_name was already taken. I changed it to what this site will eventually become. I then enabled all the options I could.
Now, it is at this point I preview my site locally and beam, ear-to-ear upon seeing the Comments section. I deploy my site and verify that, indeed, folks can add comments; I add the first comment.
Then I start filling out my Disqus! profile, enabling services, changing my profile picture, following some folks. And I thought: Blog about enabling comments on your blog!